“Your outer world mirrors your inner turmoil. Mine was chaos.”
This is not your typical transformation story. I didn't just tweak my diet or hire a trainer. If you've been following my journey, you know I've been deeply immersed in nutrition, health, and fitness since I was twelve. My lifestyle was dialed in, yet my health remained a puzzle I could never figure out.
Chronic fatigued tanked my energy. Health professional categorized this as ‘adrenal’ fatigue, a cocktail of over training, over working and/or under eating. Or so they thought. I bought it. I embraced the prescribed protocols promising recovery, enduring the slog for 12-18 months, waiting for the elusive promise of restored hormones, improved body composition, boundless energy. Yet, symptoms persisted: chronic fatigue, cognitive fog, memory lapses, weight gain, lackluster skin, irregular cycles, restless sleep, and relentless pain. Thirteen years. Thirteen years of relentless pursuit. Naturopaths, nutritionists, dietitians, fitness gurus, therapists—my roster read like a health professional directory. I subjected myself to low-calorie diets, reverse dieting, hormone therapy, IV drips, exhaustive blood panels, every test under the sun. Health remained elusive, test results cryptic. Answers offered insights and education but felt like mere band-aids on a gunshot wound.
I chastised myself, convinced that if I just practiced more gratitude, I'd feel better. Others echoed the sentiment, marveling at my supposedly idyllic life. But behind the facade, I struggled. Why did it take a daily pep talk just to crawl out of bed? Why did I end up in the hospital twice? My daily existence was forced. Regardless of my health, I was obligated to work 16-18 hour days. My days felt like pushing a boulder up an endless mountain. I could not rest. I could not escape the burden I carried. Your outer world mirrors your inner turmoil. Mine was chaos. On January 25, 2021, my world shattered. A cognitive switch flipped, and suddenly, the haze lifted. My life exploded into vivid color and for the first time ever, I didn’t feel numb. It was as if a higher force had intervened, illuminating the path ahead of me. It was the most alive I had ever felt.
“A fish doesn't know it's in water." David Foster Wallace's words resonated deeply. I realized the answer had been staring me in the face all along. I was living a life dictated by others—my ex-husband and my parents. I'd lost touch with my own voice, suffocated by theirs. I existed to fulfill their expectations, abandoning my self in the process.
January 25, 2021, was a pivotal data point on the map of my life’s journey. It was the day I realized I would rather die than continue living as a mere echo of others’ expectations. It was the day I stood fully in my own power, determined to uncover the sound of my voice. I shed everything that wasn't me—people, places, things. I rebuilt my life, aligned with my own vision. And miraculously, as the weight lifted, so did my health issues.
I'd searched everywhere for answers, but the answer was always within. The journey wasn't just about physical transformation; it demanded a mental metamorphosis. It required me to reclaim my power, to stand tall in my truth. Without it, my failing health might have consumed me.
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